Reading this makes my stomach do flip-flops. I've wanted to ask what was going on, but I felt that "exceeded the scope" of our friendship and I didn't think it was appropriate to pry. Honestly, I never would have guessed it was something like this.
One of the joys I have in working in IT for a public school district is that I get to help those folks who help kids just like yours. It's indirect, and vicarious, but I feel like I'm making at least a little difference. I'm sure every organization has it's zeroes, but I think the team we have are more towards the hero end of the spectrum.
I'm so sad that your family has had to go through all this. I just don't get why advocating for your child's needs would ever make you the bad guy. I hope that somebody somewhere who can make a difference finds out about this and starts calling people on the carpet.
Good luck and, of course, if there's ever anything I can help you with, please let me know!
Peter Campbell
· 1 year ago
Judy - I'm sorry to hear this story, and very sympathetic. We have a kid who doesn't fit the public school mode, as well, and had a frustrating time working with our school district to try and address things. But we never had him in the public schools, and I never blogged about it, because I had reason to distrust them from the start.
The short story is that their motivation for working with our son was strictly to get the special ed funding that came with him. When all of their lying, blackmailing and conniving to get us to enroll him failed, they forged our signatures and enrolled him anyway. How did we find out? When we were summoned to a truancy meeting with a Police Officer present and our (at the time) seven year old's presence required. Mind you, we didn't go - we sicced an attorney on them. But it's all pretty pathetic. What we had asked them to do, much like you, was assist us in funding his enrollment at a $20k/yr state-funded academy (not private school, but outside of the district) that specialized in helping children of above average intelligence with challenging learning styles. They wouldn't even speak with anyone at that school, much less consider approving the redirection of the funds.
Our happy ending is that we homeschool Ethan (which is a far more elaborate and expensive enterprise than simply schooling at home, of course), and he has responded brilliantly. But education in this country looks like a racket to me, that places the welfare of our children very low on the list of objectives.
Liza Lee Miller
· 1 year ago
Judi, Knowing some of what was going on and knowing how long you have struggled to get the best for Laini, I have ached for you through this time. I'm so proud of you for always putting your daughters' needs first. I've said it before to you privately and I'll say it now in a more public venue: As a teacher, I wish more parents were as informed and proactive as you are. I'd much rather deal with a parent who wants more for their child with Asperger's than with a parent who denies their child has a problem as I am forced to watch said child fall apart and slip farther behind with no real options for helping. It makes me very angry that your school district took what SHOULD be a team and a partnership and destroyed it. I think you are so smart to move away to a better place for your family.
Judi Sohn
· 1 year ago
Thank you so much for the comments. Jack and Liza, I've cyber-known you both for a long time and your support means so much to me. Thank you. Peter, let's talk. :-) Let's just say I *wish* Laini's school was only $20K.
Lawrence Salberg
· 1 year ago
Wow.... this is stunning. School officials printed out parts of your personal blog and placed it in.... your child's school files???
It's no wonder that I rage on about the massive and excessive power that we, the public, have given public schools. It is not an education issue (and hasn't been for many years). They believe that THEY are the caretakers and representatives of any child within their grasp.
Here we have, quite clearly, a case of a child with special needs. And while I'm glad that Judi has invested and is investing quite heavily, both in time and money, in her child by yanking them out of that school and putting them in a private school more suited to her child's needs, it is unconscionable that public school employees keep thinking (and think to this day probably) that what Judi has done is the wrong thing. They think they know what is best and that you, the parent, are a fool.
What is truly sad is all the many others left behind by otherwise good parents who just have no idea.
This has happened and will continue to happen because we, as a society, give the public schools this power. I recently saw a short 2 minute news clip about the 17 girls who were pregnant up north. Guess who the media interviewed on the clip? One 16-year old girl who had a baby last year (and who warned how difficult it is) and... wait for it... some school officials! Apparently, our society believes, inherently, that it is the school's job to ferret out whether or not there was a "pact" for the girls to get pregnant. Guess who was not interviewed on the clip? The parents of any of the 17 girls! Hilarious as much as it was tragic. Folks, read John Taylor Gatto's stuff and ask yourselves - quite seriously - if you really think you are giving your child the best opportunity in life by leaving them in any public school.
When you parents go to the school system and ask for them to take your kids for after school programs, for them to teach them sex ed, to create programs for special needs, to promote every cause known to man.. you are giving them power. And reducing your own to the point that, like Judi here, when you do need to make a stand on behalf of your children, you will find yourself up against a tyrannical regime with very little real support on your side.
Thankfully, the public school system is dying. Private schools and homeschoolers have led the way and are once again returning authority to the homes of children. The tragedy will be the remaining children, particularly those like Judi's daughter, who get left behind as the publik skool system dwindles over the next 20-30 years, and who don't get the proper care and attention that one would otherwise expect (based off all its false self-proclamations).
Judi, you must be a very nice person. Because I can tell you that if I had my children in public school and that school had printed out my personal blog and placed anything, anything at all, from it into my child's file, those school "officials" (what a dumb word we use to describe these useless bureaucratic dolts) would literally have to go into the witness protection program.
Rick
· 1 year ago
Judi: I was hoping when the situation was resolved you would let us know. I'm glad your daughter is getting the education and help she needs and deserves. I don't have kids, and I can understand your decision not to sue - at least at the moment - but has this situation been brought to light within the district? Because you have to think if this is happening to you it's happening to others. And it doesn't sound like you to let this lie - though I only know you through your blog :-)
Good luck with the move and I hope it goes as well as possible.
Phillip
· 1 year ago
Hey Judi,
OMW, that so reminds me of how my former partner was stashing stuff that he tried to use as evidence against me in a (failed) lawsuit. I completely get the feeling of be trail - you have my deepest sympathy. And, I'm also glad that you've found a place for your daughter to get great assistance with her education and that you're going to have a house again too :) I still remember all the renovation pics from Stamford.
Note: Lawrence. I'm a home-schooling dad (with two older siblings and a sister-in-law that all work in education), and while we're doing everything we can to re-establish the parents as the proper guardians of of our children - the state, the Feds and even the UN are doing everything they can to say that the government is the authority over our kids. It is still a long road and one that most of us are fighting every day.
Beth Kanter
· 1 year ago
Judi:
That is awful, horrible, and disgusting. But I'm glad your daughter is getting what needs ...
This makes sick and angry and little paranoid. I have a child who doesn't fit the public school mode either (gifted). I have not blogged it - but the thought that they were building a case against you and used your blog posts .. that really is disturbing.
califmom
· 1 year ago
Judi, I came to this post by way of the BlogHer post by Leslie Madsen Brooks. I too have a child with Asperger's (and Tourette's) who is quite gifted.
We are in a legal dispute with his former (private) school regarding what we believe to be discrimination based on his disabilities (illegal under the ADA, Title III).
Although I have never mentioned the school's name and blog "anonymously", I have been cautious of how I discussed the situation on my blog.
That said, as things have heated up on the legal front, I noticed in my stats that the school began reading my blog, going back through my posts--most likely printing them out. I actually "outed" them as a reader of my blog, still protecting their identity, but making them aware that I knew what they were doing.
Fortunately, we've had an attorney involved and advising us, which has helped immensely. I was trying to do it all, and nearly had a breakdown in the process. We will see how it plays out. But, I'm sure my blog will come up either in mediation or court.
I do feel strongly that I have provided them no ammunition (good or bad) regarding the case, but reading your post makes me wonder.
Thank you for sharing an obviously painful experience. And, all the best to your daughter. It is wonderful to read that you have found a school that "gets" her. What a blessing.
We have opted to homeschool (actually, unschool) our son, which has worked out beautifully. I only wish I could take away the horrid experience he and we had to endure to get here.
All Comments
Reading this makes my stomach do flip-flops. I've wanted to ask what was going on, but I felt that "exceeded the scope" of our friendship and I didn't think it was appropriate to pry. Honestly, I never would have guessed it was something like this.
One of the joys I have in working in IT for a public school district is that I get to help those folks who help kids just like yours. It's indirect, and vicarious, but I feel like I'm making at least a little difference. I'm sure every organization has it's zeroes, but I think the team we have are more towards the hero end of the spectrum.
I'm so sad that your family has had to go through all this. I just don't get why advocating for your child's needs would ever make you the bad guy. I hope that somebody somewhere who can make a difference finds out about this and starts calling people on the carpet.
Good luck and, of course, if there's ever anything I can help you with, please let me know!
The short story is that their motivation for working with our son was strictly to get the special ed funding that came with him. When all of their lying, blackmailing and conniving to get us to enroll him failed, they forged our signatures and enrolled him anyway. How did we find out? When we were summoned to a truancy meeting with a Police Officer present and our (at the time) seven year old's presence required. Mind you, we didn't go - we sicced an attorney on them. But it's all pretty pathetic. What we had asked them to do, much like you, was assist us in funding his enrollment at a $20k/yr state-funded academy (not private school, but outside of the district) that specialized in helping children of above average intelligence with challenging learning styles. They wouldn't even speak with anyone at that school, much less consider approving the redirection of the funds.
Our happy ending is that we homeschool Ethan (which is a far more elaborate and expensive enterprise than simply schooling at home, of course), and he has responded brilliantly. But education in this country looks like a racket to me, that places the welfare of our children very low on the list of objectives.
It's no wonder that I rage on about the massive and excessive power that we, the public, have given public schools. It is not an education issue (and hasn't been for many years). They believe that THEY are the caretakers and representatives of any child within their grasp.
Here we have, quite clearly, a case of a child with special needs. And while I'm glad that Judi has invested and is investing quite heavily, both in time and money, in her child by yanking them out of that school and putting them in a private school more suited to her child's needs, it is unconscionable that public school employees keep thinking (and think to this day probably) that what Judi has done is the wrong thing. They think they know what is best and that you, the parent, are a fool.
What is truly sad is all the many others left behind by otherwise good parents who just have no idea.
This has happened and will continue to happen because we, as a society, give the public schools this power. I recently saw a short 2 minute news clip about the 17 girls who were pregnant up north. Guess who the media interviewed on the clip? One 16-year old girl who had a baby last year (and who warned how difficult it is) and... wait for it... some school officials! Apparently, our society believes, inherently, that it is the school's job to ferret out whether or not there was a "pact" for the girls to get pregnant. Guess who was not interviewed on the clip? The parents of any of the 17 girls! Hilarious as much as it was tragic. Folks, read John Taylor Gatto's stuff and ask yourselves - quite seriously - if you really think you are giving your child the best opportunity in life by leaving them in any public school.
When you parents go to the school system and ask for them to take your kids for after school programs, for them to teach them sex ed, to create programs for special needs, to promote every cause known to man.. you are giving them power. And reducing your own to the point that, like Judi here, when you do need to make a stand on behalf of your children, you will find yourself up against a tyrannical regime with very little real support on your side.
Thankfully, the public school system is dying. Private schools and homeschoolers have led the way and are once again returning authority to the homes of children. The tragedy will be the remaining children, particularly those like Judi's daughter, who get left behind as the publik skool system dwindles over the next 20-30 years, and who don't get the proper care and attention that one would otherwise expect (based off all its false self-proclamations).
Judi, you must be a very nice person. Because I can tell you that if I had my children in public school and that school had printed out my personal blog and placed anything, anything at all, from it into my child's file, those school "officials" (what a dumb word we use to describe these useless bureaucratic dolts) would literally have to go into the witness protection program.
I don't have kids, and I can understand your decision not to sue - at least at the moment - but has this situation been brought to light within the district? Because you have to think if this is happening to you it's happening to others.
And it doesn't sound like you to let this lie - though I only know you through your blog :-)
Good luck with the move and I hope it goes as well as possible.
OMW, that so reminds me of how my former partner was stashing stuff that he tried to use as evidence against me in a (failed) lawsuit. I completely get the feeling of be trail - you have my deepest sympathy. And, I'm also glad that you've found a place for your daughter to get great assistance with her education and that you're going to have a house again too :) I still remember all the renovation pics from Stamford.
Note: Lawrence. I'm a home-schooling dad (with two older siblings and a sister-in-law that all work in education), and while we're doing everything we can to re-establish the parents as the proper guardians of of our children - the state, the Feds and even the UN are doing everything they can to say that the government is the authority over our kids. It is still a long road and one that most of us are fighting every day.
That is awful, horrible, and disgusting. But I'm glad your daughter is getting what needs ...
This makes sick and angry and little paranoid. I have a child who doesn't fit the public school mode either (gifted). I have not blogged it - but the thought that they were building a case against you and used your blog posts .. that really is disturbing.
I came to this post by way of the BlogHer post by Leslie Madsen Brooks. I too have a child with Asperger's (and Tourette's) who is quite gifted.
We are in a legal dispute with his former (private) school regarding what we believe to be discrimination based on his disabilities (illegal under the ADA, Title III).
Although I have never mentioned the school's name and blog "anonymously", I have been cautious of how I discussed the situation on my blog.
That said, as things have heated up on the legal front, I noticed in my stats that the school began reading my blog, going back through my posts--most likely printing them out. I actually "outed" them as a reader of my blog, still protecting their identity, but making them aware that I knew what they were doing.
Fortunately, we've had an attorney involved and advising us, which has helped immensely. I was trying to do it all, and nearly had a breakdown in the process. We will see how it plays out. But, I'm sure my blog will come up either in mediation or court.
I do feel strongly that I have provided them no ammunition (good or bad) regarding the case, but reading your post makes me wonder.
Thank you for sharing an obviously painful experience. And, all the best to your daughter. It is wonderful to read that you have found a school that "gets" her. What a blessing.
We have opted to homeschool (actually, unschool) our son, which has worked out beautifully. I only wish I could take away the horrid experience he and we had to endure to get here.